Impossible
by EJ Santry
Summary: For the Slash/Backslash 2.0 Contest. Being in the mob isn't Edward's biggest secret. His secret is not allowed. It could cost him his life, and he is waiting at home. AH. Slash. EdwardxRiley
1. Chapter 1

**Story Name: Impossible  
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**Pen name: EJ Santry **

**Pairing: Edward x Riley **

**Disclaimer: SMeyer is the stage. I am merely a player. **

**To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: ****.net/c2/68069/3/0/1/**

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I walked into the crowded club. The thrum of the bass beat reverberated through my chest. I was in a navy tailored suit and my white dress shirt had its first few buttons undone, my tie had been left on the front seat of my Audi R8. The colorful lights played off my pale skin and the dozens of eyes that were trained on me. I exuded wealth, power, and a little bit of danger, all descriptors that I lived up to well.

Making my way back to the VIP section, nodding at the bouncer who led me through to my private table. Several of my men were already waiting for me as I slid into the booth. One of my boys handed me my two fingers of Scotch.

"What do we have tonight?" I asked the table, swirling the amber liquid as I studied each face.

"The business on the docks is arranged," Emmett said from across the table. He was the operation's main enforcer, my heavy. When a target needed persuasion, or I was simply through talking, he got the job done. I simply nodded.

"Deposits for today have been made," Mikey said handing a pile of receipts to me.

"Looks good," I noted before handing them back and watching him tuck them into his briefcase. Mikey was my accountant, and kept my money were only I could find it. "Anything else tonight, boys?"

Several of the boys shook their heads while the others remained quiet. They had earned a little something with their loyalty to me lately, so I nodded at the bouncer and he let in a few presents I had picked out for my boys. The girls, with their fake tits and tiny waists in barely there clothing, sauntered over to table. They were led by Alice.

"Hey, handsome."

"Hey, beautiful," I said kissing her on the cheek.

For the next hour I watched as the boys would disappear from the table, into a private room with one of the girls. Sometimes, to my utter amusement, they would go in small groups - two guys with one girl, or two girls with one guy. With a sly grin, I finished my second glass of scotch and tapped Alice on the thigh. It was time to go.

"Heading out already, Tony?" Emmett called from a table where he is playing cards.

"Yeah, we're out of here. See you guys on Monday."

Wrapping my arm around Alice's small shoulders, I led her from the club. The valet brought my car around, and I help Alice in before sauntering around to the driver's side. Throwing the car into drive, I peeled out onto the dark street stretched out in front of me. Alice pulled a t-shirt and black leggings from her bag, quickly ditching her slutty attire for the comfortable clothes. The four inch heels were replaced by tennis shoes.

I drove along to a small white house in a quiet neighborhood. Pulling up to the curb, I handed Alice her cut for the role she plays and for her silence. I would never subject her to the things that the other girls do for cash once they disappear into the back rooms. She is my buffer, my front, because I like to keep my private life private.

"Good night, Tony."

"Night, doll."

I watched her walk up her driveway, and saw a small boy run up and throw his arms around her legs. She lifted him up and is smiling. Her husband, Jasper, was my best friend growing up. He has been out of work, and is too proud to let me help him out. So, Alice goes to her "part-time job" a couple days a week, and I get to help an old friend. Meanwhile, my secret is safe.

Pulling off into the night, I pointed the car in the direction of my favorite destination - home. A home no one knows about. A life that no one knows I lead. I pulled up to the curb in front of a beautiful brownstone nestled amidst many of the same. Here I have flower boxes. Here I have quiet and comfort. It is here that I have him.

"Baby, I'm home," I called out as I walk in the door.

I stepped around the corner and met the eyes of my beautiful boy. Riley. He sets down the spatula he was using to scrape something out of the Kitchenaid mixer. I took a deep breath testing the air for whatever he was making and moaned as the delicious smell of bread filled my nose. I looked over to the counter and saw a couple zucchini laying out.

"The zucchini is in, I see and smell," I said smiling, as he walked up and puts his arms around me, kissing me gently on the lips.

"It is," he said as he brushed his lips feather soft against mine. "Plus, I know a certain man who is a sucker for zucchini bread."

"It's not the only thing I love," I acknowledged sweeping my thumb across his cheek and giving him a slow, lingering kiss.

He pulled away laughing after a moment.

"Hold that thought, while I put the last batch in the oven."

He ran over to the kitchen and finished pouring the mix into the waiting bread pans. I watched as he hurried about the kitchen in his gray t-shirt and loose fitting jeans. The sound of his bare feet on the hardwood floor calmed me as he patters from the island to the stove. Seeing his sweet innocence helps me to cast off the remnants of my other life. He set the timer, and came around to where I was sitting on one of the bar stools at our kitchen counter, and stood between my knees.

"We have an hour," he whispered as he slid his hands up my thighs before his mouth finds mine. I held him close and breathed in the boy who has turned my life upside down.

I was one of those guys whose picture you see tacked to an FBI cork board. My family had been running things along the shore for almost 100 years. I was not at the top of the organizational chart, but I wasn't far from it. With each level that I moved up that chart, it got harder and harder to hide who I really was because being gay in my line of work could cost me my life. I endured day after day hearing "fag" slung around as a derogatory term, and the nasty comments of the men who surround me whenever PRIDE weeks rolls around. I had always been able to easily keep my personal life separate, secret. Nameless, faceless encounters to scratch an itch when I needed it over the years. That all changed almost a year ago.

I always waited for the busiest nights at the clubs. Nights when I was just another body in a swarming crowd of boys. Dressed more casually than what I normally wore, I made my way through a mixed crowd of dressed to the nines and half naked boys. I blended somewhere in the middle in my relaxed jeans that hugged my ass perfectly topped with a snug navy blue t-shirt. Simple and forgettable if I needed to be. I observed, and was only noticed when I wanted to be.

That night a drunken twink knocked my future into me. I turned, upset, to see his dark eyes wide with apology, quickly trying to explain what had happened. Once I let him know no harm was done, he offered to buy me a drink to replace the one that spilled. His sweet smile had me quickly accepting. We chatted while we sipped our drinks. Riley was a law student at Columbia. I said I worked in my family business doing mostly finances. The half-truth was out before I could stop myself. Something about him had me wanting to tell him everything, and that was very dangerous for someone like me.

After a second round of drinks on me, Riley motioned to the dance floor. I nodded in agreement taking his hand and leading him into the throng. The music pumped and the lights flashed as our bodies began to move against one another on the dance floor. Flashes of a strobe offered me the occasional flash of him. The curve of his ear. The bend of his elbow. A glimpse of the want in his dark eyes. Mostly, I felt. I felt his hands on my hips, in my hair, down my back, and stroking the sides of my thighs. His hands snaked under the hem of my shirt looking for permission, as I pulled it off over my head and tucked it into my back pocket while he did the same.

Then the music began to pulse just like my cock was beginning to do in my pants. Heavy, strong, full beats, as our sweat slick chests press together. It was then that my mouth found his. Gradual desperation built as our tongues tangled. He grabbed my ass pulling me into him, and I couldn't hear his moan but I felt it in my mouth and my chest that was pressed so close to his. As the song ended, we came up for air and I took his hand, leading him from the floor towards the door. We both were pulling on our shirts, and he followed me out to my car. No words had passed between us, but none needed to. He was coming home with me.

Home was my brownstone on these nights. I'd never taken a lover to my cold condo in the sky. That was for business associates. He leaned over to nibble and suck on my neck as I drove, and I was never so happy to see a parking space waiting for me outside of my door. I parked, and I pulled him inside with me. The door was barely shut when I had him pinned against it kissing him deeply.

"Take me, Edward," Riley plead once his mouth is free. I had given him my middle name. Another half truth. So that night I did. I bent him over the back of my couch and fucked him until he was crying out my name in pleasure.

But so much has changed since that shallow night all those months ago. A week after our encounter, I was at my favorite bookstore hidden in one of the "villages" around town. The kind of store that was made out of a bunch of old spaces that have been awkwardly sewn together. It was musty and crowded, and I felt like I could hide away from my world there. A small corner where I could be myself, lost in the worlds of fictional adventurers. Those who are free to travel and bravely love where others would shun. I was curled up in a window nook one rainy afternoon when I felt someone nudge one of the feet that were folded up in the small space. I lowered my book to see the smiling face of the boy from a week before.

"Edward," he said as he smiled. "I thought that was your hair sticking up behind those pages."

I ran my hand through my hair with a laugh.

"Yeah, it is hard to hide this stuff without a hat. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I live close by, and there's nothing like curling up with a book on a rainy day. I just finished my last one, and was looking for something new to pass the day with. I see you had the same idea."

"I come here when I need to escape for some quiet time."

"Understandable. Well, I won't bother you any longer. It was nice seeing you, Edward."

He started walking away then, and I found myself for the first time not wanting someone to go.

"Riley, wait!" I called out in a hush, and then looked down at my watch. "Would you like to go grab lunch...with me?"

"I'd love to," he said with his eyes alight.

That meeting and lunch date turned into days and weeks of quiet afternoons and passionate nights. Everything was easy with Riley. We just clicked. He was a private person. He, too, wasn't out to his family, so we lived in our quiet bubble. In a way, I had found my true family. One which would accept me for all that I was. A man who loved the real me. Yet, always nagging me was the fact that part of me was lying to this man who I loved. I continued to justify it, because it was for both of our safety. He would be used to get to me if he was discovered, and I would be another headline of a dead mobster.

"Where did you go?" Riley asked cupping my face and bringing me back to the present.

"Just remembering."

"Remembering what?"

"The night we met. The day at the bookstore. Every day since," I said running my fingers through his hair, listening to his contented sigh. "I love you, Riley."

"I love you, too, Edward," he responds with unshed tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Come with me." I took his hand and started up the stairs.

I lead him to our room, and begin to slowly undress him, as he rids me of my own clothes. Fabric was replaced by tender kisses on arms and chests. Unlike that first night, tonight will be slow and reverent. Once Riley was naked standing before me, I took a moment to just hold him in my arms, feeling his taut, warm body close to mine. I breathed him in, and exhaled the outside world. In this moment, I wanted it to just be us. His arms came around my waist and pulled me even tighter to him, letting me know he needed the same.

Walking forward, I lead him to the bed. He pulled himself up to rest his head on the pillows before looking up at me. I was almost crippled by the love I saw there. It almost hurt how much I loved him. I reached over to the nightstand pulling out a condom and some lube, before I laid myself against him and spent some time paying worship to his soft mouth. I could taste the batter from the bread that still lingered on his tongue, and I slid my arms under his back, to pull him closer, deeper into our kiss.

Of their own volition, my hips began a slow rocking against him, our cocks trapped in delicious friction between our bodies. Our kisses ceased and are replaced with our moans that seem to echo into each other's mouths that are hovering a breath apart. I closed my eyes and got lost for a moment in the sensation of the smooth skin of the head of my cock rubbing over every ridge and vein on Riley's. After a few passes, I could feel the pre-cum from both of us lubing our shafts, and my eyes flew open to see Riley's head thrown back in pleasure.

"Baby, you feel so good under me, against me," I murmured as I kissed and sucked on his jaw.

"Edward, I need you," Riley plead.

I kissed him deeply once more before sitting back on my haunches, and grabbing the condom. I kept my eyes locked with his, as I tore open the package with my teeth, and rolled it onto my eager cock. As Riley watched me, he brought up his knees, offering himself to me. I almost came on the spot as I watched him open the bottle of lube, pour some onto his fingers, and then reach down and start preparing himself for me. Though I was fixated on watching his fingers slowly disappear, and then reappear out of his now slick ass, I could feel that his eyes had not left mine.

"Oh, God, baby, I could watch you do that all night."

"I could watch you do that as well," he said nodding at the fact that I had began stroking myself unconsciously, "but I would rather have you deep inside me."

He slid his fingers out, and grabbed onto the back of his thighs, opening himself for me. I leaned forward claiming one long kiss as I guided myself into my waiting boyfriend.

"Edward..." he breathed out, as I eased into him.

I had to close my eyes for a moment. Every time I was with him was so overwhelming, body and soul. We began to rock together, giving and taking. Our eyes locked as we make love. Whispered words of affections were mixed with our cries of pleasure. I held him close to me, and he reached around grabbing onto my ass and pulled me deeper into him.

"Oh fuck, Riley."

"Deeper, Edward. Fill me up. I'm yours. I'm yours!"

I began to thrust harder and deeper. Riley's cries became louder, mutterings, moans, and affirmations of "yes". I was so close, so I shifted my hips at the angle where I knew I was rubbing against his prostate. He cried out, and I could feel my balls tightening.

"Edward! I'm come...I'm coming...I'm..." he muttered out before freezing and I watched enraptured as stream after stream of liquid shoots out across his taut stomach. Seeing that and feeling his muscles squeeze me tight, I thrusted one final time, crying out his name, before falling forward onto my lover. He was still panting hard, but reached his hand up and began running his fingers through my hair, pausing on occasion to kiss my forehead.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," I chanted as we caught our breath and held onto the moment as long as we could.

The sound of the timer on the oven broke us from our spell. We both laughed, and I eased myself out of him, and went to clean myself up in our bathroom with Riley right behind me. He quickly wiped himself clean and pulled on his jeans before racing down the stairs to his waiting bread.

I washed up and pulled on my sleep pants and a t-shirt. Pattering down the stairs in my bare feet, I watched Riley, pulling the bread out of the oven as he replaced it with what looked like baked ziti he must have prepared earlier. He shut the oven door and set the timer before looking up towards me on the stairs where I was frozen in my reverie.

"Like what you see?" he asked smiling. I finished the distance down the stairs and took him in my arms kissing him once again.

"No. I love it."

A few weeks later, Riley was waiting for me with his coat on when I got home.

"Hey, sweetheart," I said walking in and kissing him softly before setting down my own coat and briefcase. "Where are you off to?"

"It's a nice evening and the leaves are changing. I thought we could take a walk before dinner."

"Sure, let me get out of this suit."

I ran up the stairs and exchanged my suit for some jeans and one of Riley's Columbia sweatshirts. I slid on my sneakers and hurried back down the stairs and slid into the leather jacket that Riley was holding out to me. We walked out the door, locking up, before he slid his arm through mine, and we took off walking towards the path that ran along the river just up the street. The silence was comfortable, but I could tell something was on his mind. He had his contemplative look on, and I knew he needed to organize his thoughts. When he finally pulled to a stop to lean against the railing and look out at the river, I knew he was ready.

"Do you ever get tired of it all, Edward?"

"Tired of what, babe?"

"This life. The craziness. The obligations. Being on edge."

"Yes, of course, but what brought this on? Classes been rough?"

"No, just..." He turned to me then, taking me in his arms, and burying his face into my shoulder. "I just love you so much. I never thought...when this started..."

"Shhh. I know what you mean," I said lifting his head and kissed him tenderly on the lips. "I love you so much, Riley. You are the only good thing in my life. You make the rest bearable."

"Let's run away for a bit then," he said with an almost frantic need and excitement. "Mexico. Europe. Let's just get on a plane and go."

I laughed at his enthusiasm.

"Now is not a good time, but when your classes are up, I think I can take some time off of work. I just have a big project that I need to finish up."

"Can't someone else do it, Edward? Why does it have to be you?"

"It has to be me, babe. I'm in charge. There are others depending on my leadership to get..."

I didn't get to finish, because at that moment I heard it. The sound of helicopter blades cutting through the silence. It all happened so fast, almost in slow motion. Sirens. Squealing tires. I looked around in a panic, watching cops emerging from vehicles, un-holstering weapons. There was no doubt in my mind, this was for me.

"Riley, go home."

"Edward, I don't understand."

"Riley, just go home now!"

"Edward..." was all he got out before there was a rush of police and FBI all around us. They grabbed Riley first, and when I lunged to get their hands off of him, they restrained me.

"Let him go!" I yelled. "He's an innocent. He knows nothing. Riley, I'm sorry."

"You are under arrest, Mr. Cullen..."

The rest of my Miranda rights faded to the back of my mind as I watched my sweet boy being lead away by the cops with a look of emotional pain crippling his face. When I got to the station, once again I told them to let Riley go. That he had no idea who I really was. I could hardly care about what happened to me, as long as Riley didn't have to spend one day in jail and especially not one second in an interrogation room with these pricks.

Finally, when Aro, my lawyer, arrived, I asked him about Riley's whereabouts and whether they let him go. I told him to get him out first. Aro told me that they had let him go. I breathed my first sigh of relief since this whole thing started. Aro wanted to talk about the case that they might have against me, but I just wanted him to be sure, no matter what happened to me, that Riley was taken care of financially and physically now that the mob knew their golden boy had been fucking him.

I spent the days and weeks waiting for the trial to start writing letters. Letters to my family. Letters to my men. Letters to Riley. Aro delivered all of them and messages were returned to me, except my letters to Riley returned to me unopened. Aro explained that he hadn't been home for weeks. I nodded solemnly. It was better this way. He needed to get as far away from me as possible. It was selfish of me to ever want him, to ever want to keep him.

The trial began on the second of September. There was a media circus surrounding the courthouse. I was vaguely aware of people shouting my name, and my lawyers ushering me through the crowd, but my mind was still wrapped around the confused man left to pick up the pieces. Shattered truth and trust was all I left the man whom I loved for almost a year. I never got to tell him that he was the only one who knew the real me. He was the only one who didn't get the facade. I pictured him sitting, confused, in the deafening silence of our townhouse.

I hardly remembered any of the witnesses brought forth against me. Months of surveillance were paraded by the prosecutor, and time and again, my lawyers ripped it apart like the well paid lions they were. I was a picture of cool arrogance in my well tailored Armani suit with my lawyers flanking me. It was all a facade of clean lines masking the crumbling man.

As we got back in the car after the third day, my lawyers were all abuzz about the prosecutor's golden witness. An undercover FBI agent. They asked me once again if I had any idea who it could be. I couldn't imagine any of my guys turning rat. I personally picked them all. No way any of them were feds. I was as stumped as my lawyers.

The next day the court was called to order, and the judge turned back to the prosecution.

"The State calls Agent William Anderson."

I heard the click of a door leading to a special holding room off to the side of the courtroom; we all turned to watch a man stride in, donning his own smart suit, shoulders back as he strode to the stand. He was sworn in, and he took his seat finally meeting my eyes. I didn't know Agent William Anderson, but I knew that the man standing before me prefered to brush his teeth after he showered in the morning. I knew this man took two sugars in his coffee. I knew what this man looked like when his body was sweaty with pleasure under my own. Apparently I was not the only one living a lie.

I should have been feeling anger listening to Riley spell out our year together, instead I felt the life drain from my blood. The FBI had found out the secret that the mob had not, and sent Riley, or I should say William, in to try to befriend me. I listened as he was able to work out, with other pieces of mob surveillance, what my "pillow talk" at home equated to as far as jobs went. Riley had figured out that my "balancing the books" was when we collected on what was due to us. That "trouble with a co-worker" equaled a body found in the harbor. He was able to tell the FBI where I would be and when major transactions went down. His mask was on now, I saw. He was cool and stoic on the stand. In his navy blue suit, crisp white shirt and red tie, he was a picture of confidence. If he wasn't completely betraying me and breaking my heart, I would have described him as glorious.

The court recessed for lunch when the prosecution rested. My lawyers would have their turn after the break. I didn't eat a thing at lunch. I just stared out the window. I was called out of my reverie by my head lawyer, Aro, discussing how to tear down Agent Anderson's claims.

"Edward, what can you give us on this guy? His testimony about his 'code breaking' is easily torn apart. We'll also compromise his reliance in the fact that he tried to get Edward to take a 'vacation' right about the time of his bust. That he did in fact fall in love with Edward and tried to sabotage his own year long assignment. That his testimony is clouded by emotion."

"No," I managed to mutter.

"No?" Aro snapped at me. "What do you mean 'no', Edward? You'll be a free man by tomorrow."

"Free to do what, Aro? I have nothing to go home to! My home just betrayed me. The mob is never going to let the fag in, no matter how much money I make for them. I'm as good as dead now. I'd rather spend what days I have left in a cell than out in the world pretending I am happy. That I belong."

"Edward, you are being emotional. Let us do our job."

"No. I'm done. You are going to meet with the prosecution and agree to something where I will accept all responsibility for the things I was accused of that don't implicate anyone else. I might not be accepted in my life anymore, but I am not a fucking rat."

"Edward, think reasonably..."

I slammed my hand on the table and the lawyers jumped. I was now the commanding presence of the boss that I was.

"We are done here. You'll get your money. Mike will see to that. You are my lawyers, now do as I fucking say!"

Aro and the prosecutor met with the judge behind closed doors when we returned to the courthouse. I sat quietly on the couch on the side of the room leaning forward, my elbows on my knees, and my hands clasped together. My head remained bent forward as I listened to them argue the details. The lawyers shook hands, and the prosecutor left, I was sure to announce to the press this 'victory over crime'. A bailiff walked in to handcuff me and lead me out.

We began the slow walk down the corridor of the courthouse. I squared my shoulders and held my head high. Just as I was walking past the courtroom, the door flung open and the man I knew as Riley flew out of the room looking almost frantic. He scanned the hallway until his eyes found mine. I let my cold, dead eyes meet his. There staring back at me was a look of apology. A look that spoke to how much he did love me.

"Edward," he softly whispered as he looked panicked into my eyes looking for confirmation of what he must have just heard.

My cold expression told him I had given myself up as a patsy. All we had was gone and I stared through and then past him as the bailiff ushered me out into the media maelstrom.

"In striking testimony today, it was discovered that mob boss Tony Cullen is gay."

"Turns out that the ace in the prosecution's pocket was Tony Cullen's gay lover."

"The trial ends with a shocking turn as Tony Cullen takes full credit and responsibility for all he was accused of today."

"Tony Cullen is off to start his sentence of 20 years to life."

"Mr. Cullen...Mr. Cullen!" A young girl with a power suit and a microphone chased after me. "Why did you plea out to take all of the blame? Why not wait for the trial to finish and see what the jury says?"

"As you can hear all around you, miss, a lot of people are talking about what I am. But when you have nothing left to live for, a life sentence is really nothing. Besides, the one thing I am not is a fucking rat."

**A/N: Thanks to mycrookedsmile and JPBarnaby for being my eyes.**


	2. RPOV of Impossible

**A/N: This is Riley's POV of Impossible. Many of you wondered what he was thinking or why he didn't try harder to get Edward away. Now you can see what his side of the tale is. Thank-you so much for reading! I didn't win the contest, but you all made me feel like a winner. 3**

I sat alone in the wood paneled room fiddling with the gray silk tie that hung around my neck. My breath felt strangled in my lungs, yet it was not from the neck wear, but the betrayal that would occur as soon as the door to my right opened.

Two years ago, I had been promoted to the Chicago office of the Bureau. I had done well for myself my first five years as an FBI agent. I had worked in L.A. busting the gangs that plagued the dark corners of the city, but now I was hitting the big time. My first morning in my new office, my director pulled me into his office. After greeting me and offering me the seat across from him, he pulled a thin folder onto his desk.

"Let me cut to the chase, Agent Anderson, about why you have been brought here," he said as he slid the folder to me. I picked it up, and my face fell as I found picture after picture of me coming out of my favorite clubs in L.A. Feeling the color drain from my face, I closed the folder on the pictures of me with various men over the last few years. The image of Frank Buttino* on the book on my shelf at home secured the panic within me.

"Just calm down there," my director said, recognizing the deer in headlights look in my eyes. "You are not being fired. We have a special assignment for you."

He then pulled out a much larger envelope from inside his desk. I took it and opened it up to stare at the face of Tony Cullen. He was suspected to be one of the top mob bosses in the Chicago area, despite his youth. The trickiest thing about him was that no one had ever gotten any proof of his involvement. The man was good at covering his tracks.

"We want you to go undercover, William," he declared, nodding to the folder.

"In the mob?" I asked as I continued to flip through the pages of surveillance on Tony Cullen.

"Indirectly."

"Sir?"

"Keep flipping."

Then I came to it. A red folder within the larger manilla folder I held in my hands. The photos I was looking at were eerily similar to the ones that were in my folder. Except this time it wasn't me with the boys in the pictures; it was Tony.

"He's gay? How has he survived this long?"

"We don't think they know. You know the rules in gang life, William. It isn't any different in mob life."

"So, what exactly is my assignment?"

"Tony Cullen."

He gave me a minute to register what it was we were asking. I gave a slow nod as it all sank in, and I looked once more at the face of the man in the photograph in front of me. It wouldn't be hard to seduce or want to be seduced by Tony Cullen. He was sex personified. In the past, the Bureau had used men and women to get information using their wiles. I guess they had become forward enough to find a use for the homosexuals as well, I added to myself with a humorless laugh. Still, this would be a huge catapult in my career if I was successful. The Bureau had been trying to get dirt on him for almost a decade.

"Do you accept?"

I looked down at the man on the page, and then up at my boss.

"I do."

I spent the next few months studying everything they had on Anthony Edward Cullen and his "family". I knew his schedule and patterns inside and out. With the help of teams already in place, I knew who his main guys were, and what activity they suspected to be tied to him. Once I felt I was studied up enough, I began settling into my new life as Riley Scott. The Bureau got me enrolled at Columbia. I was studying for my law degree which I had always hoped to achieve. They also set me up in a shitty apartment near campus. One suitable for a poor college student. Then the real work began.

We knew which bars Tony was known to frequent, so I started spending my nights rotating through his usual haunts. I observed him from afar, watching which boys he rejected and which ones he took home. I admired the way his body would move with those lucky boys on the dance floor before he swept them out the door. It was his audition to see how they would kiss and move before he bothered taking them with him. Over the course of a month, I learned how he liked to be touched. That he liked subtle confidence. Most of all, I found myself lying in my twin bed after those nights of surveillance with my hand fisted around my cock and fantasizing about the day when it would be my turn to taste that mouth.

No one suspected how my job was becoming a fascination. Lucky for me, poring over images and routines of Tony Cullen just came off as being dedicated to my assignment. I would stare at the handsome face in the pictures scattered around my living room at home, while becoming ever curious about the man when he wasn't "on". The one who like quaint shops and quiet bookstores. That was the man I needed to seduce. This was the man I secretly wanted to be mine.

It was then that I got my orders to engage. That night at the club, I paid the twink to knock me into Tony who was sitting by the bar. The rest played out perfectly. The drink. The dance. The kiss that flipped my world upside down. When I begged him to take me that night, it was me in that moment and not the role I was playing. It was me that got filled and taken with such intensity, that my eyesight went black for a moment when, now Edward, sent my orgasm through me before freezing with his own.

After our meeting at the bookstore, I knew I was in, because it was Edward that called after me. He wanted more time with me. I should have been thrilled that I was off to a successful start to my assignment, but I was mostly thrilled at the thought of Edward's bed.

Everything was so easy for us. Lunch dates and walks along hidden paths in parks led to nights of bliss in his bed. It wasn't long before I was practically living at Edward's. My "class schedule" made it easy for me to be home before him to make him dinner. I loved taking care of him. He never made me feel unappreciated. He was kind and loving, smart and intriguing. I could get lost in my role at times and forget that I wasn't Riley and that he was Tony Cullen. I think the same was true for him. At home, we were ourselves masked in false names.

I still reported in weekly with my superior at the Bureau. It was as if, when I picked up the phone, or emailed, or walked through the field office door, I once again became William. William was an agent of this government agency. William had no loyalty to Tony Cullen. I flipped a switch, became robotic. In my mind, Riley and William were becoming separate people. Like my brain knew not to let my two worlds collide. The one of business, and the one of happiness, and God was Riley happy with Edward.

One cold, blustery day in January, Edward came home early to find me curled up in a throw on the couch in front of the fireplace. I had intermingled reading a book for class with watching the snow fall outside the picture window. Feeling nostalgic I had made myself a cup of hot chocolate, and was snuggled in the warmth of the home that surrounded me. And that is what this place had become to me, home. Before Christmas, I noticed that Edward had started using the word 'home' in reference to this space with me in it. My heart warmed, and as much as I fought to keep a distance from him emotionally, I was losing that war quickly.

It was then, that I heard a key jiggling in the lock of the front door, just as it swung open revealing Edward with snow glistening on the top of the black knit hat he was wearing.

"Hey, baby," I said smiling at him, setting down my book and padding over to him.

"Mmmm," he hummed as he pulled me close and kissed me. "I missed you today. It's miserable out there, and all I could think about was getting home and curling up with you."

"Why don't you get out of those wet clothes, and into something more comfortable while I make you a cup of hot chocolate."

"That sounds wonderful. I'll be right back."

I quickly made Edward a mug of hot chocolate, and brought it out to where I was sitting before in front of the fire. He came down the stairs a moment later, and walked over to where I was sitting on the couch. Grabbing the blanket I was curled up with before, he settled himself between my legs on the couch and covered himself with a little shiver. I laughed pulling him close to my chest and let him get comfortable before handing him the warm mug of chocolate. We just sat there for a while enjoying the silence of a snowy day, the warmth of the fire, and the beauty of the fat snowflakes floating down outside.

"Riley?"

"Yeah, baby."

He laid his head back against my chest and I let him gather his thoughts.

"I...wait," he said, setting down his mug, and turning to face me taking my hands in his. "That's better."

"What is it, Edward? Is something wrong?"

"No. Not wrong. Everything is so right. YOU are so right. I...I love you."

He loves me.

He loves me.

I love him.

"I love you too, Edward."

We leaned into each other and sighed into a soft kiss. It wasn't rushed. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his soft, wet lips as they caressed mine. Gentle whispers of affection mingled with tastes and breaths.

"Come upstairs," he whispered. My smile against his lips was my answer.

He stood up, still holding my hands. I allowed myself to be pulled to my feet and took his mouth with mine once again, pulling his body flush to my own. We stood there, our kissing catching fire, both trying to hold the other one closer, to be closer.

"Riley, let me take you upstairs. Let me be inside of you. Let me be consumed by you physically, because the rest of me is already yours."

I gave him a kiss and a wink, and took off running up the stairs. I heard his laugh and his footsteps following close behind me. He caught up to me inside of our bedroom and he tackled me on the bed, both of us in a fit of laughter. Rolling me over and pinning my arms above my head by my wrists and straddling my lap, Edward held me until our laughter was able to subside. Then, as the echo of our laughter ebbed, a quiet, softness replaced it. We lay there just staring at each other listening to the sounds of the other's quickened breaths.

Still holding my wrists, Edward slowly lowered his face to mine, kissing me softly once again. I pulled my arms slowly from his grasp, and he let them slide from his manacles. As my arms wrapped around him and my hands slid down under the waist of his pants, his arms slid under my arms, and his hands dove into the hair at the back of my head.

"I love you, Riley. So goddamn much."

"I love you, too, baby."

No other words were spoken that evening. We lay there deep in slow passionate kisses, before pieces of clothing casually were removed from our bodies. Then we lay naked, pressed together, just relishing the feel of the other's skin against our own bare flesh. Reverent touches were shared as we expressed our love in whispers and ghosting fingers. Our touches morphed into the slow rocking of our hips relishing in the feeling of our smooth, sensitive heads dragging along the veins and ridges of the other's shaft.

"Riley, baby, let me love you."

"Please, Edward. I need you inside of me."

He rolled me to my back as he reached for the nightstand, his mouth never leaving mine. Soon, I gasped in pleasure as I felt his slick fingers enter me and begin a slow, torturous plunge and retreat. Twisting. Stretching.

"Edwardddd..." I moaned.

He bent his legs under him, while bringing my legs to his shoulders and leaning forward until our chests pressed firmly together; looking deeply into my eyes, so vulnerable.

"Say you love me."

"I love you."

"Say you'll be with me always," he voice choked with emotion.

In that moment, I had a new truth.

"There is no life without you in it. Not anymore."

And with that, he pushed into me, and we made love slowly. Our bodies and hearts connected in every

way.

Our life continued on over the next nine months in a blissful cloud of love. Everything was perfect. We both had that other life. Only I secretly knew of Edward's, and he remained ignorant of mine. Fall was closing in all around us, and I was out cleaning up the rest of the fading plants from our garden when my cell phone rang. I looked down and saw it was a blocked number. I knew that meant one thing, my superior.

"Anderson."

"We need you to come in today to discuss the case. Can you be here in an hour?"

"Yes, sir."

"We'll see you then."

I went in and cleaned up from my gardening. I grabbed the train to my apartment and changed into a suit before heading towards the office. When I got there, I saw that a large constituency was set up around the table. I took a seat, and instantly was on edge when I took on the expressions of the people around me.

"Let's get started, shall we," my boss called to order. "For the past year, Agent Anderson has been undercover following Tony Cullen. With a new witness procured, we now have enough evidence against him to bring him in. Thank-you, ladies and gentlemen for all of your hard work on this. Agent Anderson, it is time to make your exit."

I sat there shocked, staring at him. Make my exit? The two sides which I had worked so hard to keep separate came crashing together, and I felt my body revolt as I jumped from my seat and rushed from the room and into the neighboring bathroom just in time to expel my lunch.

"Anderson?" I heard my boss' voice outside of the stall door.

"I'm fine, sir. Just surprised. It's been a year of my life."

"I assume I don't need to remind you how important this case is - that any tip to Mr. Cullen will make you an accessory."

"No reminder needed, sir," I said as I felt a few silent tears run down my face.

"Are you sure about that? I have heard the footage from that brownstone. You remember which side you are on, son."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a few calming breaths before I could answer.

"Yes, sir."

"Good, we'll have our warrant to arrest soon."

I flushed the toilet before slumping to the floor and resting my forehead against the cool metal of the stall wall. Edward, no Tony, was going to be arrested soon. But with him he took my Edward. I had to come up with a plan and fast. We had to act fast, but I had to try not to say too much. I had to get him away from listening ears. So, when Edward got home that night, I was waiting for him, and I asked him to take a walk with me.

Edward could sense that something was weighing heavily on me right away. Of course he could, he could read me like no other ever had. My mind was racing for an explanation. An escape. So, I talked of stress. I asked him if he ever thought of getting away. When he thwarted my hints of leaving for a while, I was practically begging for us to leave when I heard the sounds of the sirens that marked the end. For both of us.

I watched as the love of my life screamed at the officers restraining me to let me go. That I was innocent. Even when he was being brought down, his only concern was for me, and my heart broke even further.

Once I was back at the office, I was thrown into my superior's office. He came in a moment later slamming his door.

"Damn it. How did I know you would betray us? Betray your country?"

I just sat there numb as he ranted and raved. Words like 'fired', 'prison', and 'testimony' broke through. I failed. I failed Edward. I failed myself. Now we both would be going to jail, but I knew when he saw me up on the stand, which they were forcing me to take, he would see the truth. That Agent Anderson was the lie now, and Riley was real.

And so here I was. Sitting in the holding room off the courtroom waiting. Waiting for the moment my betrayal was revealed. It was then that I heard the sound of my name being said and I stood and strode out into the courtroom. I walked stiffly to the witness stand. I raised my hand numbly and said 'Yes' to the judge, before taking my seat. I swallowed thickly and raised my eyes to meet Edward's. I expected anger, but all I saw, in this man I loved, was his heart breaking into a million pieces. I honestly expected to hear the sound of shattering as I took in the devastation in his eyes. I put that look there. I destroyed the only good thing to ever come into my life. I killed love, and created this beautiful suffering man now sitting across the courtroom from me.

After the prosecution was done with me, I was excused for the moment as court recessed for lunch. I sat alone back in my wooden holding room trying to choke down the cold turkey sandwich someone had put in there for me. I couldn't eat though. I was hollow. There was nothing left for me now.

I looked up after a while and realized that recess should have been over a half an hour ago. A moment later, my superior came into the room with a guard.

"Cullen has confessed to 9 of the 15 crimes he was being convicted of. This is over."

"Over? He confessed? Why?"

"I don't care. He is going behind bars where he belongs, and apparently, now, so do you."

Without thinking, and surprising those in the room, I jumped to my feet and busted through the door of the room that led out into the main hallway. I looked around in a panic, hoping I could get one chance with him before both of us were led away, and then there he was. His face registered surprise in seeing me at first, and then I saw a moment of his love and concern for me before I watched all emotion leave his face, to be replaced by unfeeling eyes.

"Edward," I pleaded.

He just looked right past me. The man who loved and cared for me for the past year. The man who was my everything was letting me know I was nothing now. Edward was dead.

I felt hard hands wrap around my arms as I watched Tony stride confidently from the building. Head held high, as he parted from my life forever.

In the days that followed, I heard that Tony Cullen was headed to Leavenworth. I was off to Oxford, Wisconsin. I didn't know if either of us would survive incarceration, but I knew in my heart that it didn't matter, we were both already dead.

**A/N: SO much thanks to starfish422 and mycrookedsmile for beta'ing for me!**

***Frank Buttino was an FBI agent who has sued the agency claiming he was fired because he was homosexual.**

**Inspiration for this story comes from Brandon Flowers' "Crossfire".**


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